Sunday, August 28, 2011

Slaying and Butchering

Slaying vampires is freaking awesome. Butchering their concept is not. What has happened to media!? It might have started with Twilight, my all-time least favorite book, but now they have an entire section at the bookstore devoted to paranormal romance. And now, apparently, there is paranormal erotica. If Count Dracula were still undead, he'd bite garlic, stake himself, or maybe run into daylight. And I'm sure Bram Stoker is spinning in his grave.

I think I'll do a numerical list:

  1. They do not bloody sparkle! That is the least menacing thing ever.
  2. Don't date them! They will bite you and have you drink their blood in exchange! Eek!
  3. Why are they made out to be sexually attractive? If I fell in love, I'd prefer my partner to be, well, alive. Ugh.
  4. You YA romance writers are crowding out most chances of us actual fantasy and/or horror writers publishing vampire stories. It's become a cliche and horror publishers are apt to assume that we are writing about fairies as opposed to bloodsucking demons.
  5. What ever happened to the awesome backstories? Satan, the Reaper, werewolves, snakes, bats, crows and ravens, underworld, Hell, necromancy, wolves, spiders, rats, mist, smoke, curses, and so on? Now they are just overdone humans.
  6. As a continuation of #5, where did the scary go? The only reason Edward makes me shiver is that he watches Bella sleep, and teenage girls find it acceptable. Vampires, nosferatus, used to be an emblem of terror. Watch Dracula or Salem's Lot (both the 1979 versions - year of vampires?) and you'll see what I mean. Undead Mina approaching her father under the cemetery and saying "Papa?" (Dracula) and demonic Danny Glick tapping on Mark Petries window (Salem's Lot) are both spine-chilling. The books of both are even better, although I loved the appearance of Kurt Barlow (Salem's Lot master vampire) ,and Count Dracula's ability to crawl down walls was beyond really cool.
  7. Werewolves. I actually thought the ones in the New Moon film were pretty cool, although I have no plans to read it, and I don't consider the wolves to be "were-". They are supposed to change at the full moon, not by will, and they become a wild beast instead of fully-in-control teddy bears. If you want good werewolf movies, watch any Wolf Man film (I've seen the newest one and half the 1941 version), The American Werewolf in London, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, or Van Helsing - VH is not a perfect film critically speaking, but the vampires are really cool, as are the werewolves. It's a fun watch. And it also has the Frankenstein monster and Mr. Hyde - a bit of a mash-up of horror beasts.
I suppose that is all. I have school tomorrow and this is my third post tonight, so I'd better hit the hay!

Long (unlive?) the true meaning of necromancy and vampirism! Sanguis bibimus! Ave Draculea!

Living, breathing love from,


  1. Okay, so the thing with #4 is that paranormal romance writers aren't taking up all the space. Horror is marketed as such. An agent isn't going to read your query letter and go "Oh god, not another vampire romance novel," because you won't frame it as such. You'll portray it as horror, or fantasy, or whatever.

    And when it comes to readers, those are TOTALLY different markets. Vampire romance novels get all of the press, because Twilight got a lot of kids reading that normally wouldn't have. But the tweens in love with Edward Cullen aren't going to go out for hard-core horror, and the horror fans aren't going to be lusting after vampires (and on that note, Dracula is rather seductive in his methods, I believe).

  2. Not all, but I suppose you're right. Although, it would depend on the agent as well, I suppose....

    Anyway, I agree that they are completely different genres, and it's good that kids are reading, however, I know of some who read nothing but the Twilight series or some other one thing. That's as intellectually healthy as they say it is to eat the same thing each day.

    But yes, we won't go after the fad for the most part (and yes, he is rather that, Dracula). Thanks for commenting! :D