Sunday, August 28, 2011

Book Review: Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

I've done a lot of positive book reviews on here. This one is very negative. Twilight is currently my number one least favorite book - I haven't read too many bad books (I suppose I'm good at judging them by their covers, ha), but this one SUCKED. I don't feel like telling the actual plot, but here's what I thought it would be:

Bella Swan (Swann? Oh, I don't care) falls in love with a vampire who doesn't sparkle. She knows it is wrong but there is no cliche for that yet, so she goes ahead and does it. Edward has a part which threatens to take over and kill Bella (Gollum-like), and he cannot control it. He could attack her once and maybe she'd ward him off with garlic or something. Vampire hunters would come into play, and Edward (being the guy from the preface, no James) and Bella flee, but are led into a trap. He loses it again and lunges at Bella, and is shot at the last moment with a stake of ash or holly, or maybe a wooden bullet. Bella cries over Edward's ruined body and the hunter tells her it was for the best, he is saved now. As she walks away, Bella begins to feel an itch on her neck. She slowly reaches up to touch it and
THE END. No sequels. Every damn book nowadays has to be in a series, it seems.

Probably not perfect, but it's a hell of a lot better than the real thing. But I was severely disappointed: Edward saves her Aslan style, meaning he defeats the bad guys by basically blinking (not literally). Defeats the purpose of conflict and tension, say I. I prefer the bad guys to have the high ground, so that the stakes, too, are higher. Plus Meyer butchered a fascinating concept (see previous post) and taught young girls that abusive relationships are OK. I've heard that all the books end by him saving her, and she does nothing to earn his love. She's lucky (or not) to be with him. As lucky in the being saved sense (not the abuse sense) as Meyer was to publish this trash. No originality, sloppy writing, weak characters, and sexist message. I hear she doesn't read vampire fiction herself because it upsets her to see anything too close to or far from her own fairies. Blegh. And she'd never even written a short story. Makes me and a lot of other honest writers want to vomit, I'm sure. I know it makes me.

And for those of you comparing it to Harry Potter: just don't. It's nothing like that. Not only is in infinitely worse than Rowling's gem, it's a different type of story. As a dear friend of mine says, "Apples to kiwis!"

'K, I'm done.

Final grade: F

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