Book Review: Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

I've done a lot of positive book reviews on here. This one is very negative. Twilight is currently my number one least favorite book - I haven't read too many bad books (I suppose I'm good at judging them by their covers, ha), but this one SUCKED. I don't feel like telling the actual plot, but here's what I thought it would be:

Bella Swan (Swann? Oh, I don't care) falls in love with a vampire who doesn't sparkle. She knows it is wrong but there is no cliche for that yet, so she goes ahead and does it. Edward has a part which threatens to take over and kill Bella (Gollum-like), and he cannot control it. He could attack her once and maybe she'd ward him off with garlic or something. Vampire hunters would come into play, and Edward (being the guy from the preface, no James) and Bella flee, but are led into a trap. He loses it again and lunges at Bella, and is shot at the last moment with a stake of ash or holly, or maybe a wooden bullet. Bella cries over Edward's ruined body and the hunter tells her it was for the best, he is saved now. As she walks away, Bella begins to feel an itch on her neck. She slowly reaches up to touch it and

THE END. No sequels. Every damn book nowadays has to be in a series, it seems.

Probably not perfect, but it's a hell of a lot better than the real thing. But I was severely disappointed: Edward saves her Aslan style, meaning he defeats the bad guys by basically blinking (not literally). Defeats the purpose of conflict and tension, say I. I prefer the bad guys to have the high ground, so that the stakes, too, are higher. Plus Meyer butchered a fascinating concept (see previous post) and taught young girls that abusive relationships are OK. I've heard that all the books end by him saving her, and she does nothing to earn his love. She's lucky (or not) to be with him. As lucky in the being saved sense (not the abuse sense) as Meyer was to publish this trash. No originality, sloppy writing, weak characters, and sexist message. I hear she doesn't read vampire fiction herself because it upsets her to see anything too close to or far from her own fairies. Blegh. And she'd never even written a short story. Makes me and a lot of other honest writers want to vomit, I'm sure. I know it makes me.

And for those of you comparing it to Harry Potter: just don't. It's nothing like that. Not only is in infinitely worse than Rowling's gem, it's a different type of story. As a dear friend of mine says, "Apples to kiwis!"

'K, I'm done.

Final grade: F

Thoughts on the Hunger Games Movie Rumors

So far as I know, they are truly making it now and it is due in March of 2012. Someone I know said that March is a bad sign for something of this magnitude (the books are huge nowadays, if you didn't know), and I asked why. He proceeded to explain to me that movies aimed at minors tend to come out in the summer or late spring, while adult movies intending to score with critics tend to come out from November to January. Other areas are left for movies which don't expect to do well, or at least not to be Oscar winners. This concerns me. I try not to go to a movie these days unless I think it will be good, though I do sometimes see a film more than once if it's that enjoyable.

I've read the Hunger Games books, and I have my expectations. I was quite disappointed in the Eragon movie, although some bits in it were OK. But they butchered Paolini's novel and demolished chances for a sequel by killing off the wrong characters too soon. I remember many people not liking the Golden Compass film, but it's been so long since I read or saw The Golden Compass. And I still haven't read The Amber Spyglass, or The Return of the King.... Need to stop starting these series and start finishing them. Olivia says that many series tend to worsen over time, and I could see that: Ranger's Apprentice is supposed to be an exception, and I know Harry Potter is. I also seem to remember liking the later Spiderwick books and all of the Hunger Games novels: The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay. But I'm not going to waste my time trying Robert Jordan, whose books appear to take forever to come to a close - and I've also heard as such.

So. The Hunger Games film. I like the burning mockingjay logo I saw on a website, and I hear Suzanne Collins (the books' author) will be writing the screenplay, but it doesn't seem too confident if they decide to put it out in March. Come on, Lionsgate, have some conviction! It has also come to my attention that there will possibly be four movies. There are three books. I understand with Harry Potter, what with the huge last installment, and the rumors of The Dark Tower movie in 2013 or so, hell, even Breaking Dawn - I'm not a Twilight fan, but with all fairness, the last book is big - but each Hunger Games volume is under 400 pages! They're great, great books, but they are not huge like the others mentioned. Three movies will do, say I. This could be just a rumor; I don't know.

I'm going to read a blog from a long-lost friend now, here, but maybe I'll post in a bit. We'll see.

Calins,

Lewis

Terrible Books

"Novels so often provide an anodyne and not an antidote, glide one into torpid slumbers instead of rousing one with a burning brand." - Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)

My friend Ara intentionally reads books that are awful and blogs about them. For the longest time I would read only books I thought I would like, and generally my predictions were accurate, with a few exceptions such as Twilight, Requiem: Poems from the Terezin Ghetto, and The Lightning Thief. But now, in order to season myself as the amateur critic that I am, I chose a poorly-reviewed book from Printz (Forbidden by Tabitha Suzuma). It's about a brother and sister who fall in love, which in itself is odd. Could be a good book (not too far yet), but I only hope to whatever gods may or may not exist that it doesn't encourage incest. I still hope to read some other of the well-liked ones before this fall when endings are spoiled, but if I love everything I read, then what kind of critic am I? A person once told me I couldn't critique stuff properly. Of course the bloke was wrong, because he hardly enjoys any books and anyone who's a bit less cynical is apparently a softy.

If I've made any typos and left them, you must excuse me: I cut open my left thumb and index finger and am wearing plasters at the moment, which makes it hard to type.

Love,

Lewis

Doctor Who: Legends of a Time Lord, Christmas Special 2010 - "Blackbird"

I'm subscribed to this great DW podcast, which I've actually been listening to longer than I've been watching the show, and this is, to my knowledge, the most recent episode. It was really interesting, what with the witchcraft and the ravens (crows? I cannot remember) that killed people. The problem was that at the end, there was no "to be continued" despite a cliffhanger, and the episode was not called "Part One". What happened? What happens next? What I do recall is an ad for a Star Trek podcast. It sounded good: I never watched any ST show, but I saw the 2009 movie and it was awesome. Speaking of J.J. Abrams, I ought to post a review for Super 8 soon. I need to watch it again - my mom hasn't seen it yet - and then I should be posting my critique. I'll say this: I really liked it. Really beautiful movie.

On random side notes, I'm listening to Elvis Costello for the first "official" time now. I like the music. I've been going back to my childhood by watching Avatar: The Last Airbender here. I never watched all of them in order, but I've seen many bits and sort of know the story. It's a good show. Finished watching the six-hour epic adaptation of Stephen King's The Stand - also quite good, though not as much as the book, as is usually the case. A couple of exceptions I can think of are Twilight (not a huge fan of the movies, but I can at least bear them more than the books), Iron Man comics (good stories but really cheesy dialog), and two books by Neil Gaiman - Stardust and Coraline (I loved both the book and movie for both Gaimans, but the movies were slightly better in my opinion).

This is the longest post I've done in a while!