Movie Review: Epic Movie (2007)

I debated with myself whether this film was even worth the time to review. Still, I suppose it deserves a permanent place in the Hall of Shame.

When I saw Eragon, this was previewed - and I'd re-watch Eragon a thousand times before ever viewing Epic Movie again. I thought it looked amusing, and that was one of my biggest mistakes ever. One of the least funny things ever, and I wish I had my money back so I could see Twilight instead. Yes, I just said that. That's how bad this was. As Meyer's paperback turd is my least favorite book, I detest this movie thrice as much. Just about all of the jokes involve someone getting stabbed or eating stool, with no other reason for humor. I mean, I don't mind violence, but how is it funny? Mind, it can be funny, but by itself? That's pathetic.

I don't even feel like details. I'm actually feeling fine, but I thought I'd get this out of the way. Cheers!

Final grade: F

Movie Review: Transformers (2007)

My gods, did I loathe this film. It's gone foggy now - I saw it when I was twelve - but let me say this to Michael Bay: There is a difference between plot and special effects! Same to Roland Emmerich. Now, I hear Mr. Bay is a great person in life: my sister tells me that he found an online video of a lady throwing puppies into a river and offered ten thousand dollars to whoever found out who the lady was. All the same, he sucks as a director. Good person, bad artist. The opposite goes for Roman Polanski, I hear. He makes some pretty good films sometimes (The Ghost Writer; Rosemary's Baby), but in life he raped a sixteen-year-old girl.

I digress. I save my "F" rating for true bombs, such as Epic Movie (2007), but this movie did nothing for me. I may be young, but I know an awful movie when I see one.

Final grade: D