What Kind of Fool am I?

"I may be an idiot, but I'm no fool!" - Monty Python's Flying Circus

" ... And he never listens to them / He knows that they're the fools ... " - The Beatles, "The Fool on the Hill"

"Who is more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows the first fool?" - Obi-wan Kenobi [paraphrased from memory], Star Wars (1977)

"I've known [Lewis Winter] since grade school, and I still don't understand him." - a schoolmate/neighbor [memory again]

"Out there they'll revile you as a monster. Out there they will hate and scorn and jeer." - Dom Claude Frollo, from Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame [1996]

The second quote, the one from the legendary rock band, inspired part of an essay I wrote last semester for my English class. I'll wager it is about time to post about this. Many people assume I'm just a fool based upon my...eccentric mannerisms. They couldn't be more wrong. If you'll pardon the lack of humility, I'm really smart. Really, I'm freaking awesome! As boastful as I know that is, I consider it also to be a heightened level of pride; it doesn't do to lose one's footing in conceit, but I see nothing wrong with realizing the truth about oneself or having a positive self-image.

Now. As the old saying goes, "Don't judge a book by its cover." When taken literally, it is sometimes best to do just that (so many books, so little time), but socially, doing so is very presumptuous and even imprudent. People only see the tip of my iceberg. I believe I am introverted, despite my jovial personality. I keep much back. An obvious example: most people don't know that "the guy with the crazy laugh" is a published writer (to be fair, I did not go through editing), or an actor, that he is actually quite careful with bladed objects such as knives and rapiers (although even my mother doesn't believe that one), that his having caffeine does not cause the apocalypse, or that he'd never harm a fly.

Some people often assume I am "creepy." Whether this is due to my fascination with death or (in a couple of cases) no apparent reason at all, I cheerfully refute these claims. I'm glad I have enemies, or even people who simply aren't worth it to me (mostly the latter), because that means that according to Bill Cosby, I'm on the road to success (by not attempting to please everyone) and, in the words of Winston Churchill, I've "stood up for something." Who had guessed that this guy [me] is a vegetarian? A feminist? A blogger?

People tend to believe I am gay as well. Now don't get me wrong: I'm not by any means homophobic; I love all people no matter what and I am into LGBT rights. But that doesn't make me gay. I mentioned a few sentences ago my being a feminist. Does that limit members to women? By vegetarian do I only not eat human meat? And no, I don't sparkle in the sun, so put your wooden stakes down. I don't have to be a member of something I support. But I've mentioned before that I'm perfectly OK hugging both sexes and all genders. A hug, to me, denotes love, but love is by no means restricted to romance. If it was, we'd be incestuous. And it's OK for girls to hug girls and guys to hug girls. But when two or more dudes hug? What's the big deal? Honestly, people.

This leads back to my nonconformity. Despite what certain doctors and such think, I am not "ill" and do not need to be "fixed." I'm not socially incapable: I just don't agree with certain social norms. People have wasted loads of time and money attempting to make me part of the herd, but I have resisted mightily, and - you know what? - I feel fine! Better, actually. Perhaps a post about adversity is due, which (by mere incident) was an essay for a previous English class. Thanks, enemies and lowly scum! Love ya!!

---- Lewis

Movie Review: The Woman in Black (2012)

My three favorite genres in film and literature are, from greatest to third greatest (because I hate to say "least"), fantasy, science fiction, and horror. This film is the latter, so I had dearly hoped it would not disappoint.

But first, let me say this: The Woman in Black, so far as I know, is my first Daniel Radcliffe movie other than the Harry Potter franchise. I know he does, or at least did - I hope he still does - live theatre back in the UK, such as David Copperfield and Equus, as well as the American Broadway hit How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. I saw none of these; I had not the fortune. So he's a great actor. If I haven't established that opinion already, I do it now in a frank manner. Acting aside, this movie had loads of "jump" scares. And I didn't like it.

I loved it. Even if it did have a lot of loud and startling moments, it was very creepy on both literally morbid and deeply mental levels. The plot, to put it in my own "pitch" form for brevity, is "A lawyer must travel to an old cursed house for business purposes." There's the whole not-believing-it factor, which one could call cliche; but then I'd permit one to call human main characters cliche. I think it's perfectly realistic to be skeptical in this sort of situation. The moments with the titular Woman in Black honestly chilled me to a degree only a few other things have:

• Dracula's moans of pain as Van Helsing stakes him off-screen in Dracula (1931)
• Mina (Lucy in the book, for some reason they like to trade names in movies) coming to her father as a pale vampire ("Pa-pa?") in Dracula (1979)
• Danny Glick floating outside Mark Petrie's window and tapping softly-yet-eerily to be let in (Salem's Lot [1979])
• The ending to The Blair Witch Project (1999)
• The corpse of the evil queen (The Tenth Kingdom, 2000, but the same one who poisoned Snow White; TTK is a fairy-tale spin-off, and remember, I was nine when I saw this scene, so it might or might not still horrify me)
• The greater part of everything in 1408 (2007)
• The "dead" people in The Haunting in Connecticut (2009)
• Voldemort, especially in Deathly Hallows Part 1 (2010)

That may look like a lot, but I've seen many, many movies (although I still have so many to see) and I really don't spook very easily. But The Woman in Black was truly a very frightening experience. If you're up for that sort of thing, go see it! It's well worth the money in my opinion. And little Harry Potter is a grown-up now.... He's older than I, true, but I still watched him grow up through the HP movies. I think being scary is harder now than in past decades. Even I am not scared by most horror flicks, even if I love them. The Shining with Jack Nicholson comes to mind: creepy, and a great movie, but it didn't send me to bed with the light on, if you get my drift. I need to finish that book, and the Mick Garris remake.... Anyhow, there's a very precise art to being scary. You have to probe the mind, I think. Something along those lines. I've seen at least a couple of non-horror movies which I found unsettling: The Silence of the Lambs; Coraline; and Inception. Arguably the first two might be considered horror, but my point is that scary is harder now. I do wonder if vampires will ever be scary again: even if (WHEN) the fad wears down, it will still have existed. Pity - as you can probably surmise, I'm a vampire geek and a Dracula nerd. The same applies to originality in any genre: there are so many writers, and even with many writing the same thing - in fact this may be part or all of the cause and/or effect - it's hard to come up with a decently original idea. Trust me, I know it!

According to the amazing Cory Doctorow and the late, great Blake Snyder, nothing is one hundred percent new. Even if it seems that way, the core of the story is one of (ten?) formulas. I don't like Stephenie Meyer's books, but I must say she seems to have hit gold (even if Bram Stoker's Dracula, 1992, had demonic romance in it). I love the Hunger Games Trilogy, but as I understand, Stephen King had already written The Running Man - I have yet to read or see that one, but it sounds similar. Now dystopias are the thing. I digress.

If you'll pardon my digressing a slight further, I must directly reprimand myself for these tangents, as I have an ACT soon and plan on taking the optional Writing portion. I seem to recall something about focus and clear sequential order of thoughts, as described in my preparation book. What an active hypocrite I might be here, even acknowledging it as I type!

The movie! It was great, but I do not recommend it for anyone who spooks easily or has medical conditions sensitive to sudden noise. If you enjoy a good spook, go for it! It's really brilliant.

Final grade: A

Movie Review: The Blair Witch Project (1999)

I just watched this not an hour ago, and I already think it is one of the creepiest films ever made. I don't spook easily, but this will definitely have me thinking about things. It cost virtually nothing to make but does a great job conveying psychological terror without the use of violence, jump-scares, or CGI.

It was shot as a "student film" - hand-held camcorder and everything - a mockumentary if you will. Three college students in (Maryland, was it?) go out to hike in the nearby wooded hills one weekend to explore an old legend about the Blair Witch, who supposedly murdered several children in her magical rites. (If you dare watch, then pay attention to what the townspeople say: it comes back later in the movie.) The students, two men and a woman, soon become lost in the woods, unintentionally going in circles and unable to escape. Every morning they find something outside their tent - the sign of the Blair Witch, piles of rocks to mark children's graves, etc. It gets worse and worse for the students and they begin to lose their minds. I won't spoil the ending, but holy crap, is it morbid.

I loved this movie. It proves that one does not need a gory, porn-filled flick to be scared (and I don't consider those true horror anyway). It never shows very much, just subtle hints and mental suspense accompanied by an awesome score, which, while not quite musical - more just sounds - is still quite eerie. The characters seem very real, and indeed the filmmakers claimed it was real until the main lady was seen on a Steak 'n' Shake ad somewhere on a highway billboard. But real or no, this movie will stick with one for a while.

Final grade: A

I'm in!

On Monday I auditioned for Applause!'s musical School House Rock - and I got it! This was my second time auditioning, my first being one I did not make it into (The Somewhat True Tale of Robin Hood). I suppose in this case the second time's the charm? I do not yet know who I am playing, but this was a great victory to me. It's just a matter of persistence, as with publishing. But once you're in, it's great because you can honestly say that you are. I look forward to the actual performing and all that precedes and proceeds it. And I'll meet new people.

Here are my dream roles:

• Sweeney Todd or Judge Turpin
• Sherlock Holmes or Moriarty
• Dr. Victor Frankenstein or the Monster
• Count Dracula or Abraham Van Helsing
• Atticus Finch or Bob Ewell
• Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde
• The Mad Hatter or the Cheshire Cat
• Grendel
• Willy Wonka
• Gandalf the Grey (The Hobbit)
• The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
• Quasimodo
• Any sort of Nazi/SS officer
• Mercutio Montague
• President Coriolanus Snow
• Emperor Palpatine
• The Other Father (Coraline)
• Iago (Othello)
• Norman Bates
• Macbeth. I said the word!
• The modern major-general
• Ben Mears or Mark Petrie, perhaps even Barlow or Straker, or Father Callahan (all so great)
• Hades
• ...And anything else I can get. Those are my top, though.

I've already played brave, brave Sir Robin - that was fun, although it was five and a half years ago. I do realize I have some double choices; such is not only a backup thing, but also because I have two favorite types of characters: creepy/scary villains and roguish rapscallions. I can be evil, but I can also be like my real self: a scoundrel. Some, such as Mr. Todd, are both. Others are also in there.

I actually did not sing for a long time due to a music teacher I had in elementary school - I am partly to blame of course, for letting her get to me, but I became very embarrassed to speak in musical notes for many years. Now I am making up for my years of sloth by catching up to things.

Also, in the matter of getting in, I think I must at long last polish something up to send off to a magazine. I'll probably be rejected, but persistence is key, no? Probably just a poem, as I still need to sort out my stories.

French I taught me that "adieu" is very final, as in funerals, so I'll just say

Au revoir! Bonjournee!

-Lewis

Book Review: Coraline by Neil Gaiman

I saw the movie when it came out, expecting a nice children's film. I was wrong: while aimed at youths, this is by far one of the creepiest stories ever told. Thinking of the Other Mother still makes my spine cold. I loved that film, so I read the book.

PLOT. - When Coraline Jones and her parents move into a boring old house, Coraline is desperate to find something to do, so she goes exploring. She finds nothing at first, and then she finds an old door sealed shut by layers of paint. Her mother cuts open the layers and opens it, and they find...a brick wall. Disappointed, Coraline leaves, but late that night she follows a mouse to the door, which now leads to a tunnel. She walks into a parallel world and finds that it is mostly the same, except much better. The food is good, everything is colorful, and the people are nice. They also have jet-black buttons for eyes. Just as Coraline is beginning to get comfortable here, they offer to let her stay forever, with one "teeny little thing she has to do": let the Other Mother sew buttons into her eyes. Coraline has to find a way out of this nightmarish world and then back once the Other Mother steals her original parents. Thoroughly mortifying, this.

I enjoyed the story, but I thought the writing, while not bad, was a bit sparse. Needed more "meat on the bones," as my grade-school teachers would say. Also, I thought it odd that the Other Father tried to help Coraline when he was created and controlled by the Other Mother. You'd think he'd be like a puppet in her bony, knobby hand. With giant nails. Ugh. That part was awesome, but I digress. I actually liked the movie better, just because it filled in the bone-spaces. Both were quite dark, however, and are sure to induce nightmares in all ages. But I liked it. Very good.

Final grade: C